I think you are underestimating my level of self-awareness. Yes, I know this post is defensive. It was meant to be defensive. I am not really concerned about my reputation on an anonymous internet forum. But real life is a different story. I am very careful about what I say to people in person. If somebody says something that offends me, I will always pretend I am not offended. If I think a joke might offend someone, I will refrain from telling it. If anything I do or say can be construed as showing off, I will not do it. And as I may have pointed out before, I go to great lengths to hide any sexual/romantic interest I may have in a girl.

Something I should clarify. People usually seem to be cool with me when I am reserved and cordial with them. In fact, people often emphasize how I am super nice. But then when I try to assert myself more as part of the group, that's when I notice people starting to turn hostile. It would not be accurate to say everyone reacts this way, but there always seems to be a person or two in the group. If this were to happen with one or two social groups, I could chalk it up to them having a problem. But when it is repeated over and over again, that sort of indicates there is something more going on.

For the past few weeks, I guess I started acting more shy and reserved again. This could explain why she started being nicer to me. Who knows. But the problem is, I can't connect with others and form an identity without expressing myself. Being shy and reserved doesn't allow me to do that. People may be cool with me, but they will see me as an empty slate.