I promise that you still have a lot more meds to try than lithium. (Which is a really good drug). I just started what is considered the "last resort" AP (clozapine) and while technically I have more options, they just are not safe because of how my body usually reacts to certain meds. It took me many years to actually run out of meds and even with having done that there are 1 or 2 that I haven't been able to try because I can't afford them. You still have a lot of the anti-convulsants, you haven't been on old APs and you have a few more atypicals. I started doing better after I went on an MAOI anti-depressant; the mechanism for it to work is very different than other ADs. Sometimes even when a number of drugs in a class haven't worked you'll try another and get results; that's what happened with Seroquel for me. I had been on a lot of atypicals (all of them but 2) and none had worked out and I was afraid of Seroquel but it was a good med for me for almost 9 years in the end.

I know it is hard to hold out when you feel like you've been on everything but keep remembering that you haven't been on everything and that there is still much hope for you and new meds all the time. Also, if you've been on all those meds in 6 months (if I understood you) then you've really not had time on them to know if they'll work. It takes 6-8 weeks on a good dosage to really know a med isn't working unless you have a reaction to it that means you have to come off. WAiting it out is not fun and can be extremely frustrating but it's the only way to really know if something helps.

It sounds like you are feeling really depressed over the diagnosis and pressured to be the same as you would be without bipolar. Those are really hard parts of the illness and I don't think they necessarily ever go away but it does and still can get easier.You are still you and nothing changes that. I remember really struggling with that part.

I'm glad you've found this board and hope you can feel less alone.