I spent 10 years after my last suicide attempt to actively improve my life, my social circles, etc. 10 years later I'm back in the same place emotionally I was 10 years ago and 10 years worse off in health, attractiveness, and hope.

I'm seeking help and solutions but I don't want to do the same thing I did 10 years ago... admit myself to a hospital and start on anti-depressants--and throw myself back into a new 10 year cycle that ends when I'm in my 60s with me in the same place with the same constant pain.