Sorry I know I'm being really negative. I know it is the depression making me feel so negative. The loneliness exists outside of the depression but without the depression it doesn't make me want to kill myself. I know that. However I'm struggling with reasons to keep struggling with this pain, given that outside of the depression, I am still never really truly happy and unlikely to be and definitely tired of trying. A large part of me feels like I should jump on this opportunity to just end it now while I'm motivated to do so and I've been struggling with that every day.