T,

help me. I'm so lonely. I don't know hom much longer I can stay in this house. How much long I can be alive in this house. But I've nowhere else to go.
I'm mad at my parents, especially my mum. You already know about my issues with my ''brother''. I don't know what it is with him or what I've done wrong. Yesterday he was acting like I was too much in the livingroom/kitchen. I was just there. I didn't do anything. Why is he acting like this? He has done that for more than 10 years. First bullying and sometimes even psychical abuse and treatening. Then mosty ignoring and sometimes namecalling.
And my parents didn't do anything about it. Even now when they know how much it has hurt me... If it was, let's say a classmate that did those things to me, they would have beaten the crap out of him and demanding him to be removed from my class. But because it's their son... nothing.

And then that ***** of him. She has never introduced her to me. She has been ignoring me from the start, giving me filthy looks. I didn't know who she was because there have been so many people walking in and out of our house.
She's just like him. Putting mum and dad on the Christmas card to my parents instead of ''to the family ...''. It aren't even her mum and dad. She hasn't the right to call my parents mum and dad.
And then just now I've found out that my mum has given her some special chocolate because she has passed for her drivers license. I didn't even got something like that when I got my drivers license.
I know my mum lies to me, sometimes. She said my brother is sorry for being so mean to me. That isn't what his actions say. She said she doesn't know his ***** and don't even speaks to her. Then why does my mum give her a Christmas card (on which my name isn't written) and presents?

It hurts. That ***** ignores me and such in my own house and my mum says I shouldn't think about that. It's almost the same as with my brother. I should just ignore it. But I can't. How can I ignore this when my own parents don't support me, aren't on my side. When they are just fine with another person not being kind/polite in my own house.

Maybe it sounds like I'm overreacting, but I'm not. It isn't about just one situation. It's about many situations over weeks, months, year.

I'm all alone. And I do so much for them. I help around in the house. I'm think about their birthday and other special days. Their lovely son doesn't do that. I'm staying alive for them. I don't want to be alive. But I do that for them. I keep suffering, because they rather have a daughter who is deeply unhappy and severe depresed than a dead daughter.

What should I do? I'm losing everyone. No one really cares about me. There's always someone who's better than me. I'm never someone's first choice. I try to be a good person, but... I don't know what people prefer anymore. Do there rather see murders and such. My brother was in prison. People like him more than me. Just because he talks more, I think.

I'm nothing.

(How am I going to tell you this? In an email? I don't want to talk. I want a hug. I want to lie in bed forever.)