You cannot do or say anything; to make him treat you with respect. I stayed with someone just like that for 31 years; ;then found the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. You have no way of knowing if he will hit you. Call the Domestic violence hotline (you may have already); call a hospital and ask to speak to a social worker, keep reaching out until you can find someone to help. Abusers are excruciating insecure and will do and say anything to keep you under their control.

NEVER, but NEVER GO INto counseling with the abuser (I did that it was a disaster) an abuser needs to go on his own and work on HIS issues, before you can think of going together. Most abusers will not go.

I hope you will find a therapist....the domestic violence hotline may be able to give you names of those in your area. If you contact Patricia Evans, she has a list of therapists specifically trained in verbal abuse (many are not and you will only be re-abused.

This is a site in the State of California you can contact your area for help. Domestic Abuse & Family Violence Prevention | Feminist Therapy Connection

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I hope you will get the book I mentioned; read it in private.

Abuse is a CHOICE, always a choice...he doesn't "snap".....he chooses that behavior; it has NOTHING to do with you at all. Abusers take no responsibility for their behavior and blame it on the abused. Try to stop explaining yourself....that is the "fix" the abuser needs;; it takes a lot of practice, but I did that....when you respond to their abuse, you are validating what they are saying.