i woke up at 5am scared as heck to see my T and shaking, telling myself i wasnt gonna go. i fell back asleep and got up at 7 30, decided to go to group and to meet with T. still felt scared and totally certain that he was going to tell me to stop texting him forever because of my e-mail. on my way there (1.5 hour drive cuz i was at my mom's) i checked my phone to see if it was charged all the way and i saw a text from T. i thought umm am i hallucinating? surely he didnt text me... but he had. i felt relieved but still fearful i guess because i had 100% convinced myself of what was going to happen. i got there and felt shy, didnt want to look at T even though he came out of his office and told me Toby was famous because the newspaper wrote an article about his wellness center and the picture i drew of toby was in one of the photographs. he was being his usual silly self.

i was thinking yesterday... how am i gonna get through this?? i truly felt terrible... as you all know my T didn't tell me to stop texting him. he even told me he had had the same feelings for his T. i am so amazed about what happened and how completely opposite it went than what i envisioned and prepared for.

it's really becoming apparent to me that i make too much stuff up in my mind and then accept it as facts without any evidence. i hope one day i can stop doing that.

feeling glad tonight...just wanted to share...that i feel good.