What does he do to support his own recovery? For example, I gather from your posts that he does not go to AA. How if at all does he get support from others, such as those also in recovery?

His timing may seem cruel but he bails specifically when there is stress because that is precisely when he is tempted to drink--to deal with the stress.He needs to develop better methods of coping besides bailing. Is he working on that?

It sounds like you are blaming yourself and looking to change yourself in order to get him to stay. The thing is that as i see it change is needed in him, and only he can make those changes. Certainly I support you in working on your own healing, but your stress reaction and depression make sense under the circumstances. I hate to see you blame yourself for something that lies with him to control and change.