Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks
Hello lostinsidemyself: Thank you for sharing your struggle. I also struggle with allot of anger (much of it directed at myself) plus suicidal ideation. I worry sometimes about what might happen if I ever truly lost control of my anger. Hopefully I would just take another whack at myself & not strike out at others... but it's difficult to be sure...
I also have allot of generalized anxiety. I pretty-much just keep to myself 24 / 7. I know that if anyone really knew me, they would want nothing to do with me. So I save them the trouble & just stay solitary.
Nowadays I simply strive to live in the present moment accepting things as they are. Happiness is not even something I pursue. But it is so difficult to overcome all that one has experienced in one's past. It can be like a ball-&-chain one can't help dragging along no matter what. I hope that, in some way, you can find the inner strength to overcome your despair & find peace.  |
I know myself well enough to know I would NEVER strike out physically at another person. That coming from someone whom planned out an entire murder suicide plot at age 14 but i didnt go through with it and dont think i would of been able to....and it was my abusers anyway, i just wanted it to stop and at 14 didnt know of any other way for it to.
Today all of my anger is directed at myself. I do explode verbally when my anxiety gets in the "red zone" and the 2 people i generally explode on fights it...if they just let it go, it calms down way faster.
The rest of my anger is directed at and taken out on myself....
Accepting things as they are...not that good at that right now but working on it.
This thread was written during a tailspin (towards the end of it) but was by far the worst one yet.
Thank you for all of your kind words!
