About two weeks ago I lost yet another job because of my BP and erratic behavior. Panic attacks all the time! I'm sick of this up and down roller coaster with jobs. Then when I get fired I get insanely depressed and don't get out of bed to even clean for almost a whole year. Well when I told my pdocs my plan for SSD they agreed that I qualify and that I should go through with it.

And then there's my dad. I have my own house and he lives right down the street but I can't bare to be around him right now. Everytime I see him it's "are you off those crazy meds yet?!", "did you find another job?!" He's a work horse. Always owned his own companies and just lived to work. When his business has no work he gets depressed (he won't admit to having any MI or His own alcoholism, ever). I'm sure everyone might wonder, "why doesn't he give you a spot in the family business or help you out?" Good question! Living in his house growing up I HAD to get a job the moment I was legal to work. His way or the highway! Always! His name is also on the deed to my house and I'm on the line to lose it. He refuses to loan me even $10 when I'm starving. He will never help me out so turning to him for help with my house is off the table. He believes in tough love but I get that. Whatever. He was there, at the appointment when I was a kid and diagnosed BP but will never accept it. He thinks I'm always "drugged up" but my meds do not get me "high". They just make life a bit more live able for me. He doesn't get that. He laughs when I try to explain. Just an hour ago I went there to see my sisters new kitten and he sees me and says "we need to talk!" No "hello how are you." Nothing. Then we go in the garage (the man cave) and he starts about how he's going to sell my house on me and then has the nerve to say "so where are you going to live? You're going to be homeless!" I can't take it. I left within 5 minutes and went home huffing and puffing. I want to be able to see my family and spend time with them. Not be bombarded with these questions and negativity. I do understand that he does stay up at night stressed about it. You think I don't?! Hah! I haven't slept since I lost my damn job! I get it dad!

So what do I do?! He won't even let me get a word in so I doubt he will ever accept that his daughter is disabled from a MI that he doesn't even believe in!

Sorry most of this was letting off steam. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any replies or advise!



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