Hi guiltier,

I'm sorry I missed you sharing that........I'm so sorry for your loss, my condolences
And I'm guessing that on top of how you were feeling before, and your feelings about your loss, you're feeling a sense of alienation from your family too
You would hope that families could pull together, and support each other at times like this, but obviously it doesn't always happen that way...........
But........you mentioned the not saying goodbye to her, goodbye's never have to follow any kind of format e.g. at a funeral, at............they can be/are very personal, so you can still do that in your own way..........a way that might be meaningful to you and her
Might be letting of a balloon with a personal message about/how you felt about her, might be writing a special poem, might be throwing a bottle with a message into the sea, might be planting a rose/bush/tree somewhere in her memory, might be donating something to charity, might be spending time at the graveside/where her ashes are scattered reminiscing/talking about fond memories, might be about helping someone on her behalf, might be doing some voluntary work on her behalf..............and whatever you do you can spend some time before/during/after to send some thoughts out there about her..............so however you found out please don't let that impact on how you recall her and the warmth/comfort in knowing her may give you
And I know it must be really hard without your friend supporting you, but don't forget that we're here if you need/want to talk.........sometimes talking can help.........

Alison