Hi guiltier,

I know you're probably WAY MORE knowledgeable on what may help a little for you personally..........I know you've struggled/found ways through A LOT.........and I know that sometimes it can be REALLY hard whatever you do.........but maybe finding different ways to let out that pain could help a bit (??)............maybe writing, maybe music, maybe crying, maybe going for a walk (escaping the isolation).........
But any way you can keep yourself "safe" as well, right now, hey?
For example if there are any meetings going on soon, and Al-Anon do some on-line too, re-doing/re-visiting some of "The Steps", keeping yourself as far away as possible from any drink...........
And, although it may not help much, you've said it exactly yourself, you do have SO MUCH going on for you , but you know that some of this will pass, will ease.........so about doing all you can to push through one day (or one hour!!) at a time. And you/I know you have incredible strength to have resisted drinking as well as you have.
Plus..........you DO have us on here as well

Alison