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You know, Todd, I've read that book and lot's of other books about relationships and ocmmunication. Many of these books -- and I would includes "Win Friends" in this category -- are somewhat superficial in their approach. I'm sorry if you disagree with this; I certainly respect your right to your own opinion, and it's absolutely great if this book helped you.

Sometimes the problems go deeper than active listening, being interested in the other person, and so forth. I make a generally good impression on people. I am talking about engagement at the deepest layers of our self and souls and who we are, when we want to have an authentic heart-to-heart relationship. Some of us who come from dysfunctional families carry the wounds deep within us. A book like "Win Friends" can help me *appear* to be like everyone else for the most part, but the deep wounds still need to be healed.

I apologize if you feel that I am rejecting your advice.

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Wants2Fly,

I completely agree with you. The whole notion of 'winning friends' makes it sound like a competition. I think that close friendships come to us in a non-verbal way, and there shouldn't be a push/pull thing going on.

This area of my life has been better since I stopped trying.

A wise buddhist Monk once said, "The enlightened being has no friends and no enemies". Although that initially sounded cold, I am beginning to understand it. We can't sort our problems out through other people, we have to look within ourselves. We have to be friends with ourselves first, and inside ourselves is the place where the deep wounds you refer to can be healed. Once you have some inner peace, then you can be friends with everyone, and the enemy of no-one.

I have a friend who is a trained therapist. Over the years she has had a succession of 'best friends' and eventually each one leaves her acrimoniously, with no further contact. I have watched her doing this, and it is so good for me that I have not been one of the 'best friends'. My friend, although a therapist, has some blind spots of her own.

Good luck, Myzen