hi guys,

it's been a real rollercoaster this past year between relapsing into pyschosis-getting better after upping meds-and my ocd running my life now. i developed severe tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and none of my old coping skills have helped my ocd and tinnitus.

i feel like whatever i do i can't ever walk in a field again without headphones on-sit around without a fan on. i hear ringing sounds coming from tvs which drive me crazy. now my blood pressure or pulse has gone up to the point i cant excercise without getting wobbly legs.

apart from that i think i'm ready to try again even though I feel it will never be the same after the relapse. i deserve to be happy and have whatever quality of life is left. so i'm going to try again by losing weight and trying to quit cigarettes (one at a time). i'm going to fight through the sedation to create art more. i'm going to try and nurture myself and be brave.

i'm going to try even though it feels futile.

- dave