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Rhapsody said:
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sunrise said:
I understand a lot better now about myself, him, why he does this, and why I stayed so long. Understanding has helped give me the strength to at last let go.

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Would you care to share some of those reasons with ME, maybe it will help to sink into my thick head if I read them from another person (and) I might just see my own reason in the list.

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Here are a couple of books I read on verbal and emotional abuse that were very good. I highly recommend them. I know you said that your husband was not doing this on purpose to harm you, so these books may not be as good a fit for you as for me. But they really helped me understand more my husband's patterns and motivations for treating me the way he did/does (I have been married for 20 years and have started divorce proceedings). In the first book, it talks quite a bit about a pattern that some emotional abusers have called "withholding." That is my guy.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. This book was instrumental in helping me realize that what I was experiencing was abuse. It's still hard for me to say that word....

No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-physical Abuse of Women by their Men Really thoughtful book--hit home for me.

Both of these books provide insights into why women don't leave emotionally abusive relationships. Rhapsody, there might be some overlap with your situation (why you are still in the relationship), even though I don't think you have said your husband is abusive.