Rhapsody, if you tried couples counseling again, could you go to a different therapist than before? A new person might have a new approach that would be more helpful. I think in particular, a caring, strong male therapist who could model his skill at forming intimate relationships with his clients might be really helpful to your husband. He could see how it is done, that men can indeed do it, and use the therapist as a model for his own behavior. I agree with alex_k that it would be very helpful if you could get a therapist who would consent to do both individual and couples therapy (not all family therapists will provide this).

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at least I can say I tried and gave it my all - if I leave

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I hope you will give your husband warning that you will leave unless things change. Then he has a chance to realize how very very serious this is and to make his decision: is he willing to try to improve the marriage? At least he will be warned of the consequences (the end of the marriage) if he chooses to do nothing.

Hang in there, Rhapsody.