Quote:
Originally Posted by cashart10
So...my version of confronting him was saying "it took a while to get me a working antidepressant, huh?" He just wrote off the question by telling me he has confidence in this one.
On the other hand...tell me what you think of this conversation:
Pdoc: any thoughts about hurting yourself?
Me: Persistently
Pdoc: are they under control?
Me: yes...and I finally got my husband to hide my meds...of course there are other means but that takes away the easiest (I have 7 medications).
Pdoc: (giggles) yes, there are lots of ways people kill themselves and if they want to die they will.
Me: (giggle nervously) this is an awkward conversation.
Pdoc: yeah, well, people who od do so as a cry for help. They don't really want to die. The problem is sometimes they do die or they can turn into a vegetable.
The rest of the conversation was about Virginia Woolf and how she took her own life in her 40's. I told him I can't live that long like this. He said I am not like Woolf as I have children who need me and grandkids to look forward to. Anyway, the conversation ended on an okay note but it certainly started out pretty oddly. Anyone else have an experience like this?
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I do apologize that I don't have much knowledge about your background but from this post in particular, I would be alarmed. Where I go, and have been going to for 12 years, they have very strict rules about things like this. If you show ANY sign that you are a harm to yourself or others they will practically tackle your *** until an ambulance gets there! Well maybe I'm being dramatic but they don't mess around. Maybe it's a law in my whole state. But I've always been aware of this after a t warned me and would have me show her my arms (yea no explanation needed there). However because I've always had knowledge of this I have kept stuff from them. Who doesn't once in awhile though. But yea, your dr should of taken you seriously! You clearly have a plan in your head, thinking up the diff ways ect. Alarm bells! I've had a few drs that either prescribed me something that I knew I should not be messing with and I didn't speak up though. Long story short... I abused my meds and have a long, charted history of substance abuse. He gave me a certain something that is rather hard to get! And the addict in me went off the deep end. And then the pdoc ended up leaving and they've just been keeping me on the same meds without a question. I admit I have to take blame here because at the end of the day, I should of been honest with him and with myself. But a tiny piece of me blames him for not even bothering to maybe just glance at my older files? Actually just 6 months old. This is a med that is tightly controlled (In MI at least) and any doc has to get paper work and a detailed history before handing out this med. So imagine my surprise when he brought it up out of nowhere with no questions at all. And I don't even have the main symptom this med is specifically for! Wow. Carelessness on his part... And mine.
Sorry I'm a mess and rambling tonight! Bottom line, yes he should of confronted you about your thoughts. Took you way more seriously. But since he didn't all I hope is that you're not still feeling this way now? I just talked another member (along with help from some of you) into going to IP today. I'm glad I'm here to help and just know that even though we don't know each other, I DO worry about people here. If you just need to blow off steam, anything. Don't hesitate to PM me.
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