I overreacted sorry. I had little sleep. I've cried alot because my heart is aching for my best friend who died. I was hurting alot for hours. I want this pain to go away badly, but it won't. My therapist stopped all contact to me. I tried to contact who both tried to set me up with, but no response period. So I was abandoned by my therapists I can afford now I got no one.

I have to live with doing all I can to deal with relationships living with badly needing true intimacy and unconditional support I needed and fighting my emotions not to cry a river over anyone now, because of the guilt of failing my friend. He didn't deserve to die like this. I'm doing everything to live for him, and I can't tell you how I need to hear his voice now to tell me he's sorry and he loves me like a brother.

Even now I'm crying my eyes out. I'm broken completely. It's very hard to just be same together and hopefully have any chance for any togetherness with anyone.