Ok, I won´t go too deep into my personal history. Too long story to be told in a foreign language.

My main issue is now "Who can decide if You are sick or sane, ultimately?" and I am really concerned with this question now, as I have decided to leave a psychoanalysis after half a year, feeling that artificial problems are being produced there and the REAL stuff that troubles me is being totally neglected.

I have been told a sentence that provoked a blizzard deep in myself and that was "Well if You didn´d feel you are having problems, You wouldn´t be here, right?" (Oh. All the people with really severe personality disturbances whom I know who refuse any kind of treatment popped into my mind and I kept thinking "So does the fact that they don´t go to therapy makes THEM sane whereas my willingness to go there makes ME sick?") ... that was a response to my defence that I don´t feel that my relationships with men would be the main (if not only) cause of my problems.

WHAT IF my problem is that I constantly seek a diagnosis or treatment for myself, because deep inside I think that I must be sick or deviant - that´s what my dysfunctional family taught me, yeah. Of course when a 12 y.o. stops eating and doesn´t want to live, SHE is diagnosed and proclaimed sick and continues go to submit to f****** therapies even though she doesn´t really know whether she needs them... sorry. I see I am not good in writing case studies.

I am just twisting from mental pain unable to solve the question of my own sanity.