((((confused4ever))))

I'm sorry you had such a difficult session. Your post resonated with me. When I have a disconnected session and T seems far away, it's more than annoying, it flat out pisses me off! Sometimes I have also felt that T is moving too fast in session. In fact, it just so happens that during our last session I told him that sometimes I need him to slow down, that I may be processing things more slowly than he realizes. He understood that and appreciated that i told him.

I have also had sessions where I left feeling worse than I went in, sometimes because some deep hurt was stirred up. On those days I often have to talk to T later on to help me process the session. In either scenario, T needed to know how I was feeling. If this happens, and he isn't available to you, you must feel very frustrated.

As much as we want to believe our T's are superheros, they are human like us. Could it be that T was trying to communicate with you why he may not be able to respond to your emails right away, maybe so you don't worry if he doesn't get right back to you? (Of course I would worry immediately)

However, you are not the bad guy . There is no bad guy here. Just two people, talking and healing.

So, do you think it might be helpful to use the next session just to talk about the process? To air your feelings about "the bad guy"? Rather than cancel, use this time for you to let T know what has been happening for you. You deserve to be able to do this and you might be surprised by T's response.

Take gentle care and be good to yourself.