So glad you are here and posting!

I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I sponsored a 16 year old girl whose parents were divorced, she lived with dad who with a temper and alcohol problem was the lesser of two evils. Mom is a crack head and her brother who was the only stable close person in her life (18 months older) committed suicide 1 year before I met her.

She still tries to reach out to her mom. She has become the parent and her mother is the child. It is because it is her only mom and she is chasing that image of what she wants in a mom only to find over and over again that it's not there. I can relate to that part - thinking your mom has changed and you will FINALLY have the mom you want, only to have her revert back to her "normal" self to remind you that it aint gonna happen.

Drug and alcohol addiction is cunning and baffling. There are no "right" answers. My good friend at work buried her 48 year old sister last Tuesday. She dried out several times and was told if she drank one more time she would die. She proceeded to drink a gallon of vodka every day for three weeks. Her liver was so inflammed and enlarged that it encompassed her kidneys. After being on life support for several days she died leaving a 17 year old son and 15 year old daughter. Active alcoholics and drug addicts do not know any better and many times can't help themselves.

Why can't you get over it? It's your parents and your only parents. You love them, you can't figure out why they are doing this to you because shouldn't they love you enough? They do, they just can't help it. But YOU are not the problem and never were. YOU need to take care of yourself and let their God take care of them.

I have been to AlAnon myself which is for people who live, deal, or otherwise care about an alcoholic or drud addict. They can help you come to terms with some of your feelings.

If you have any questions on it and want to ask here or PM me please do.

You DO NOT have to live in this pain - there is help and hope.

Big comforting hugs to you -
Tranquility