Thanks everyone. I feel bad that I've been mentally ill for 25years now and this particular episode has lasted almost 4 years now. I feel so guilty and ashamed constantly visiting my psychiatrist and psychologist saying nothing is getting any better, it's so embarrassing and shaming, like I'm failing treatment, the monthly visits have become a massive strain to me. Add to that the fact I think everyone hates me and the daily thoughts my wife is about to leave me because I'm such a burden and failure and then the constant obsessing and starving myself :-( It's just hell.