I have all these lofty plans. Start exercising, make a meal plan (and stick to it), journal, spend more time on art. But I just can't follow through. I don't exercise because I don't have time. I barely can wake up in time for work in the morning, and when I get home I'm just drained. I can find time on weekends or at night to go through Pintrest and pin all kinds of lunch ideas and meal plans, but I can't find time to go through them and write down what I want to eat. Journaling is the worst, I can never stick with it. And art? Who can find the motivation? I used to find so much release in drawing or writing, but I don't have any creative spark anymore.

I feel extra numb lately. When I would SH in the past, there was always this distinct difference between self-inflicted injuries and accidental injuries. Accidents hurt worse, they didn't feel good like the on-purpose wounds. Since I finally remembered to buy more shaving cream, I decided to shave my legs last night, and It wasn't on purpose, it was just because I'm sloppy when I shave and hadn't done so in a while. But the pain felt good, and I was a little disappointed that the bleeding stopped before I got out of the showe.