Quote:
Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor
Hello, Thank you for your input. I am especially interested in your referring to / re-seeing the trauma. You even refer to the "TV". I want to ask you if you always see your memories? there is a separation in seeing something from a distance, isnt there? Seeing something on a TV screen? I also see my memories and I wonder how common this is with others who dissociate. Any thoughts?
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There were chills on my arms after reading your post.
I do "see" my memories. It's as if I am an observer to what is going on. It's quiet, no sound, and there is this numbness along with a feeling of extreme panic. I see the memories, up to a certain point, and then when I say the "TV goes off" I am meaning that my memory abruptly stops/shuts off.
In my mind, I believe seeing it as an observer, is my mind's way of providing safety for me when there was no other way for safety. I believe my mind was separating me from the physical part of the situation/event. The part of my mind that observed it, left a part of it there that was actually present in that time. Another "part" of me was created (the one I am watching) to deal with what happened, and that is the part of me that is triggered now that results in my dissociation, or vise versa. I haven't really figured out that part just yet.
I experience numbness of emotions when I am extremely dissociated. I believe the part of myself that I split off from, is the one that has those emotions.
I have wondered myself, how common this was.
It's very discerning to not be able to remember. It's like trying to put a puzzle together without all of the pieces!