Your mother sounds like a very nonsupportive person. I might even go as far as to call her toxic. You are right to think that your conversation with her was not great.

My own mother was toxic: a self-involved, criticizing woman. Despite the fact that I knew that it came from her own issues of abuse and low self-esteem, I had to limit contact with her and afterwards try to put the negativity she put out into perspective. Knowing the reasons for someone's destructiveness doesn't mean that you have to give them a pass on toxic behaviour. It just means that you have more information about where it comes from and can distance yourself with compassion instead of anger.

It is not your job to fix your mother and sometimes -- and this is the big tragedy of life -- you have to choose between your own sanity and what would make your mother happy, which in this case means catering to her views of who you are. My advice is to stick to what makes you healthy. Your mother will not like it and will surely raise a fuss that you are not helping her fulfill her own negative unhealthy pattern. The saying, "Misery loves company" comes from this very concept.

I think the big sacred cow that you have to love your parents has got to be re-examined in general. Whose definition of love are we using? Love, according to some parents can mean totally capitulating one's identity and integrity. You can be kind, respectful but know where your boundaries are. I also think that as a child of toxic parents I engaged in a lot of fairy-tale thinking which set me up for a lot of disappointment which I would act out of in a totally negative way. I would change and they would love me. I would try harder and they would see what a great person I really was ... blah, blah, blah. It wasn't until I was able to accept the reality of who they were that I could set up some boundaries that I could stick with. It was really all up to me all the time. It was my choice to listen to garbage instead of limiting the conversation.

Best of luck with this. I have been where you are now and truly sympathize.