Out of all my issues that I deal with, this may be the worst one.

I'm a 23 year old guy that has never been in a relationship of any kind(Nor sex for that matter.) I've been a loner most of my life. Initially when I was younger this wasn't my intention... just for whatever reason I was isolated from other kids.
Upon reaching Middle School, I began actively making myself a loner because I just felt like I never really fit in anywhere. Now as an adult, Ive gotten to the point to where I keep everyone at arm's length. Ironically I'm the "kind, shy, quiet guy", I typically prefer to listen than talk. And with online friends Ive also become the "advice/support" guy. So basically I'm fine up to the point of being friends/part of a particular community. But anything beyond that... forget it.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I ever tried. But all attempts failed. Ive even dealt with a girl in High School pretending to like me than pulled a 180 saying she just did it to be nice. Also dealt with a long time online friend that I liked, but she ended up with another online friend.

Over the years... Ive closed myself off. And sadly it's gotten to the point of resentment towards women. It's dumb considering Im a frequent porn viewer. I envy people with a relationship, love, intimacy. At the same time I'm angry, spiteful and miserable.
Ive dealt with panic attacks at night in bed so severe that it physically hurts.

I don't think there are words to describe the level of pain from the emptiness, the feeling of being unwanted, unnoticed.

Ironically while being a heavy weakness of mine, my Pride is the one thing that keeps me going because Ive lasted this long on my own. But it's hard to deal with the chronic loneliness.

Im posting this because I don't know how to move forward. This is an area Ive been wandering aimlessly for so long, I feel like I cant take much more of it.