There were chills on my arms after reading your post.

I do "see" my memories. It's as if I am an observer to what is going on. It's quiet, no sound, and there is this numbness along with a feeling of extreme panic. I see the memories, up to a certain point, and then when I say the "TV goes off" I am meaning that my memory abruptly stops/shuts off.

In my mind, I believe seeing it as an observer, is my mind's way of providing safety for me when there was no other way for safety. I believe my mind was separating me from the physical part of the situation/event. The part of my mind that observed it, left a part of it there that was actually present in that time. Another "part" of me was created (the one I am watching) to deal with what happened, and that is the part of me that is triggered now that results in my dissociation, or vise versa. I haven't really figured out that part just yet.

I experience numbness of emotions when I am extremely dissociated. I believe the part of myself that I split off from, is the one that has those emotions.

I have wondered myself, how common this was.

It's very discerning to not be able to remember. It's like trying to put a puzzle together without all of the pieces!