Hi DechanDawa: I'm so sorry you have fallen into this difficult period. I'm also not on any medication & I don't have a therapist. I have no family (other than my poor wife who just wants to believe everything is perfectly fine) & no friends... not even any acquaintances really at this point. So it's pretty-much just me alone battling on one day after another. Some days I do pretty well. Others are a real embarrassment. (I have been hospitalized... twice...)

Technically, I do still have a pdoc. But I made the decision, a while back, to only see him once a year, just to keep my foot in the door, so to speak. From time-to-time, when I'm struggling, I think that perhaps I should just break down & get back on some med's. But then I bear down & reaffirm my decision to just not go back there. As an alternative, I practice self-help techniques I learned reading Pema Chödrön's books... such practices as compassionate abiding, transmutation practice & tonglen (sending & taking). I also do allot of walking... both just walking our dog around the neighborhood & also walking meditation. Taken as a whole, it all seems to be keeping me going... at least so far...

Personally, I think the concept of: "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot & hang on..." is great for a while. But there's a point where it just becomes sort-of passively self-abusive. That's when it really seems to me, to become important to start thinking seriously about some sort of intervention. Also, I think one has to consider what one may be doing to loved ones if there are family members to be considered. One of the strongest arguments I've come up with in favor of reconsidering my decision not to be on med's is how my mental health issues may be affecting my wife. If it got to the point where I felt I was harming her emotionally, I would hope at least that I would run toward some sort of intervention.

I see where you wrote that you tried med's a while back & had a severe reaction. So, perhaps psych med's just aren't an option for you. Maybe some individual therapy or a partial hospital program, or similar sort of mental health service? I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will soon be able to find deep inner peace...