Hi Dechan..

I am in a situation perhaps similar to yours right now, in that I have found that the best I can do for myself in an episode of depression is rely on myself personally, even though that does have its own set of potential complications. I'm not advocating for or against any therapy as I can only speak to my own experience, but for me it is in part due to budgetary constraints that I forge through on my own.. as well as admittedly being as much the result of a lack of confidence I've developed in the psychiatric industrial complex's existing (in-)ability to provide me with useful assistance for my individual situation, a conclusion I've come to at the cost of many wasted years and much heartbreak. That said, I've only ever gotten through previous depressive episodes as the result of my own force of will and without outside interference, so I'm not sure what I have could be called treatment-resistant; only perhaps industrial-treatment-resistant, or simply pharmacology-resistant. (Which I don't look at as being a bad thing as I'd rather not bombard my physiology with more drugs that don't work for me anyway. For me the cost-benefit analysis tells me no. Let's say instead that it's the drugs that are vonmoxie-resistant.)

One thing that's hard for me is that I have a few more stressors than I am specifically inclined to burden family and friends with; the downside of this is that existing in a vacuum as they do they fester psychologically and seem even bigger than they really are (although they are indeed real and considerable to begin with). Everyone needs to unload, especially when stress is high. I should probably start journalling again, so that at least I will have paper as a confidante for those issues I don't think will currently benefit anyone to air.

Something I've also been thinking that I need though, to accompany my self-help, is a sponsor, kind of like in AA. ("One day at a time" can evoke a different meaning for depression since the days can seem like endless baths in molasses, but it's still a good approach.) I don't need a lot, just someone who simply understands the headspace of depression, and can speak to the worst parts of it when they come up, which is for me the catastrophizing and the isolationism. I don't need someone to tell me it will all be okay because I desire to maintain a realistic viewpoint about what I need to accomplish, about where I'm starting from, going, etc... it's merely the littlest nudge that I need sometimes from someone who gets its. It's just that the isolating I tend towards when depressed can prevent me from me from coming across a nudge like that over the course of a day. That's the only prescription I'm really looking at obtaining for myself right now: one friendly nudge per day, preferably in the morning. Refills monthly.

Is there someone in your life you can touch base with about struggles related to depression? PsychCentral is good in its ways.. I like the nature of the collective intelligence that exists here, so many well intended voices and perspectives in one place.. but it's not quite as tactile, which can be satisfying at a different level.

You're always welcome to send me a PM, should you be so inclined! I can't promise answers.. or solace.. or even promptness half the time.. but I'll always try.

Hoping you got a scoch of inspiration.. or thoughtfulness.. or at the very least a laugh.. out of something or other that I wrote here,
von