Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
There were chills on my arms after reading your post.
I do "see" my memories. It's as if I am an observer to what is going on. It's quiet, no sound, and there is this numbness along with a feeling of extreme panic. I see the memories, up to a certain point, and then when I say the "TV goes off" I am meaning that my memory abruptly stops/shuts off.
In my mind, I believe seeing it as an observer, is my mind's way of providing safety for me when there was no other way for safety. I believe my mind was separating me from the physical part of the situation/event. The part of my mind that observed it, left a part of it there that was actually present in that time. Another "part" of me was created (the one I am watching) to deal with what happened, and that is the part of me that is triggered now that results in my dissociation, or vise versa. I haven't really figured out that part just yet.
I experience numbness of emotions when I am extremely dissociated. I believe the part of myself that I split off from, is the one that has those emotions.
I have wondered myself, how common this was.
It's very discerning to not be able to remember. It's like trying to put a puzzle together without all of the pieces!
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Hello. I think the peices will come/the memories when you are strong enough to go through them. I also see things as an observer- that is when I was dissociating. Like you, I believe dissociation protected me from what what completely unaccpetable to my mind and body and was just too much to bear with all the associated feelings. My memory came in my dreams in which I observed 'myself' in a terrible situation The feelings even in my dream were so real and terrible and it was like I was there and reliving it myself for the first time. It was after expereincing this and seeing myself in a dream that the alter who was stadning in for me became known to me. when I was able to accept what she had expereinced and felt it as my own that alte was no longer unknown to me and in time was assimialted into who I now am.
I thank you for sharing. It helps me immensey in my qust to understand myself and others affected by DID.