The thing is, I was open to the therapist with my religion (i.e. Neopagan) and sexuality (Iīm polyamorous and into BDSM) and to her itīs a pathology itself. We almost argued a couple of times, when she tried to tell me (several times) that the reason of my feelings of stress/discomfort are due to the "subconscious struggle between two men". And she was very suspicious about the religion too, trying to get it down to some sort of "rebellion against traditional values" thing. Also, I managed to find a stable housing independent from my parents two years ago and I am really glad I am out of the reach of my family... well "family". I have absolutely no desire to spend my life and precious expensive therapy session talking about THEM! And my motherīs sexual problems or puritan upbringing.
I just wanna live on my own, Gee, donīt I have my WHOLE LIFE to contemplate about my parentsī past? I am 20 my first years of university, I have a lot of plans for future but very fragile psychosomatic health...
I had this issue about local BDSM-fetish subculture that I had entered few years ago to find myself and that was another topic she seemed totally shocked about, never heard about it (just as with Paganism, religion is also one of the main issues of my concern now), and was prejudiced a lot.
So what is it good for, if I am unable to talk about issues I feel need to talk to with somebody? Instead, I am made pathological... I am not going to fight with somebody over the issue of a open relationship. I have lived this way since ever and I am more happy after I acknowledged this model.
If I want professional help, my only chance is to keep my mouth shut about certain issues, and I admit it has worked before - I cannot expect anybody from this world to understand subcultures where I live. Yet as it is clear, keeping oneīs mouth shut means no deep therapeutic relationship may evolve.
And this was second therapist. The first one kept asking me obsessively about what sexual practices do I do and if we have group orgies (liberal as I am i felt very uncomfortable being asked as you may imagine) and seemed to have never heard of consensual power exchange (SM).
We donīt have any Kink Aware Professionals here nor Pagan clergy so I think I am f***ed and have to help myself. I feel down, as if I was bothersome to the whole society
