Im sorry I wont be much help only to let you know you are not alone with this. Im 54 was abused over 40 years ago, and the trust thing is still an issue. I have been married now for 30 years have 11 grandchildren. Just have to find a way around it. I still have a huge problem with any one with authority, police, doctors etc. we just have a way to adapt. just hope you can push through it believe it or not there is a light at the end of the tunnel, i have seen a twinkle now and then wish you all the best