Quote:
Originally Posted by Roaming_bird
Sometimes when I'm hypomanic, I wonder if I'm faking this illness, like I somehow can control it and I'm choosing to be manic and depressed. What if I'm doing it for attention? What if I'm doing it because I somehow enjoy the highs and lows? What if I can actually turn it on and off?
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This is so relevant, I had been asking this question for long time.
When my T and pdoc tried to medicate my happiness (my mania) I was 100% positive that I'm not really ill but rather getting depressed because some external cause, that is yet to be known.
When I was depressed I believed that it is me who chooses to be depressed, it is me who doesn't allow myself to get out of this, hence it is me choosing it/faking it.
Today I'm probably getting out of 1 month depression.
probably because I felt better one day thought it's over and then crashed at evening for another couple of days.
This is what makes it clearer to me that I'm ill, but this is so tricky for me because I'm very blinded by my present state. Now I feel good - and I'm tempted to stop my medication-treatment cuz I think -
well I'm on them only for 2 weeks so it's NOT them helping me, it's all me.
....