He's got a good job which requires frequent travel which is why he chose to rent a room instead of a whole apartment. Now that he doesn't travel, he just became complacent both in the roommate situation and in a job he doesn't like at all. He is aware that, as a 40 year old man, he should not be with roommates. And he is seeking a job where he feels validated, and that may just be back in consulting which requires all that travel; he says he knew he was valued and enjoyed what he was doing. Right now, he does not. I think that's absolutely valid. Given all of these things, nope, he's not available. And they are flags which I recognized during the first date, but I think we both enjoyed each other's company, found more and more compatibility and attraction to the point that we'd like to believe these things aren't an issue. But he knows I'm dating to get married someday--at 37, I am not trying to date someone who isn't sure what they want just to be dumped in a year. Maybe he'll find someone who just wants his company for a few months. But that isn't me.

He's not in a relationship with anyone, he ended an engagement a few years ago to someone he'd been with for quite some time after he'd lost 4 people (including his mother and his fiance's father) to cancer. It put a strain on their relationship. He acknowledges he had a bit of a crisis at the time, and he's still trying to heal...he told me some of the not so flattering things he did to try to work that out, lol, he's been pretty transparent about his warts.

I'm calming down from the place I was earlier this evening. We shared a lot of our history with each other, and I care about this person. I don't want him to hang around our city in a job he hates just so we can make a go of it. He would resent me, and he wouldn't be happy. Can we be friends? I don't know. Maybe at some point we can go have a beer and watch some geeky sci-fi movie. I feel like I need time.

And the needy/clingy thing is the point. I'm 37 years old and the anxiety that produces it has not really calmed down by now, I don't think it will. This is why I don't want to do it anymore.