I know what it feels like from what others told me, and seen it, but I've not experienced it at all. Most people have from more stable and much more supportive environments, but me I didn't have that luxury. I lived alone my whole life, being always separated from everyone else in some way always misunderstood. My mother the most doesn't understand or care to try she'll get more defensive and emotional and take her anger out on me verbally if she doesn't agree on something insignificant that's not related to her at all. My dad will ignore me and change the subject, my sister will tell me to **** off.

My friends are like my dad and blow me off in their own way and sometimes give ****** advice, because they don't understand or try to.

So I don't know what it's like when it's real. So I learned I have to give to receive, but all I've accomplished I gave a lot and got nothing.

I hold onto ideas, memories, and temporary good feelings, because they are the only happy things I have.

Love is very foreign to me. I've come to realize this the past 4 years. I always let someone use me and I receive affection in very codependent and abusive ways from the other person never laying boundaries of being respected it was more give and take. She took what she wanted from me and I give her affection and sometimes she give it back or she will give it back because she is obsessed with something she's addicted to, like drugs or sex.

Nothing about the real me. I desire someone to see the real me and just make it known they really like what they see and want to spend all the time with me like a true appreciation.

I find it easier for me to do this to someone else, but never back to me.

So if it did come to me, I wouldn't know what to believe I always feel they are lying, because in every case it was. I know I shouldn't let it hold me back, but I got in really bad situations, being in the wrong situation wrong time being and making it much worse than it should be if I just walked away and ditched them.

I used to devote everything to someone, and did a great job learning about them and really appreciating someone wherever. I never had it happen to me.