your brain is trying to get you to deal with the issues from your past - just my opinion - until you deal with them either in therapy or talking them out with friends - here or where you feel comfortable they will come back -

I compare it to this -

the universe says I want you to deal with this and it nudges you
you take no notice push it away
the universe gives you a harder nudge
you ignore it - hey universe whats it to you anyway !
so the universe gives you a shove!
(ignore me now says the universe lol )
and so on until you end up on the floor from a giant shove if you keep ignoring the "elephant in the room"

he cheated on you - you know that is a character flaw in him and NOT your fault
wondering about his GF is normal - is she better than me - worse ? why her and not me?

Abusive people tear our souls - it takes time to heal - they take away our self confidence - our self worth -

its like a wrestling match against yourself

please keep reaching out in whatever way you need to and set the past to rest. I am trying hard to set my past to rest - I wish you lots of success

P7 (hugs if ok)