Thank you for the advice and the response.

I haven't really talked to my T about dating since dating hasn't been on the table in 7 years. I told her that I was going out on a date, that I really didn't want to do it (I was stepping out of my comfort zone; I don't really like dating at all), and she was like I think you should give it a chance. That's the only thing we discussed. I haven't seen her since due to scheduling conflicts. I have tried all of the dating sites and have spent hundreds of dollars on membership fees. For me, Match and eHarmony were even worse than OkCupid in terms of the quality of men I've met. I met an emotionally abusive man on Match whom I had to nearly get a restraining order against. It was not another attraction to an unavailable man. It was over a month of communication then one date and done because I heeded the red flags. He continued to
pursue me in email and text and was pretty crazy. So for me, who honestly wasn't incredibly enthused about this whole process to begin with, a free site was about all the commitment I was willing to make.

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I'm going to say some things really quickly in response to all of the advice from both threads, and I don't want it to be taken as me being a jerk. I've just been thinking a lot...

When I came online last night, I was spiraling a lot and knew that I was dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. He hasn't lied to me about that (well, when we discussed it in the end); he knows he's not available, his mistake is that he didn't catch himself before we both got to the point where we started having some feelings for each other. He stated plainly, I know the things I'm dealing with and I know what I need to do to deal with them. Regardless of all of the stuff I have been dwelling on in my spiral, I still felt like he attempted to be fair to me and not lead me on too much further. This guy isn't perfect, he is an emotionally unavailable 40 year old man who chose to go on a dating site knowing he has some of those issues to work through. But I'm a 37 year old woman struggling with depression and abandonment issues. I've gone on dating sites as well knowing full well that I wasn't ready to date. Whatever his issues, he's given me the benefit of the doubt a couple of times and rather than saying, "You're a crazy ******, get away from me" has tried to get to the bottom of why I was saying/feeling the way I was. And I just realized that I haven't actually done the same for him. Not at all--I've been accusatory and suspicious rather than think through what the alternative to his actions may be. Emotionally unavailable or not, no one deserves that. It may not all be on me, but that does suck.

After reading these threads, and some of the advice, feel like everything he told me could have been a lie, he may have a secret family, he was using me...I don't really know what advice to pick and choose through. While I am glad I came on here instead of just dwelling on my thoughts or like, going and getting drunk or something last night, I think that is the danger of coming onto a forum like this. The things that I knew to rationally be true about this situation, or thought I did, I'm no longer sure of. People lie on dating sites. I've even stretched the truth (am I curvy? Or actually just a bit chubby...). But I'm not sure what he would have gained here in being totally pathological; we didn't sleep together, he didn't even try. He paid for our meals. He has no idea where I live. The only thing he would have gained is companionship, and he has plenty of friends male and female (yes, I do know this), so I don't think he needs another that much.

Please don't mistake me; I'm grateful for everyone taking the time to read my lengthy posts. I am so happy that you all care to try to make me feel better and the fact that there are people who want to do that helps. But I think I need to step away because the fabric of reality I was holding to in this situation is starting to unravel, and that isn't good.