I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I am recently separated from my husband of 30 years, who I was totally faithful and devoted to. I just heard he has a girlfriend and had the same reaction you had...I want to die. I can't even imagine him being with anyone else but me. But when I really sit back and think about it. Do I want him back? No. Why? Because of his infidelity and his physical and emotional abuse. He is an alcoholic and he was very abusive. Why did I stay for over 30 years? Truth be told...I don't know...love is crazy right? "hugs" to you. I hope it gets better for you. Me? It's only just begun.