Hi ChavInAHat,

It's probably because you're so different from her, IN A GOOD WAY, that's going to make it much harder to understand. Afterall you're a GOOD parent and you probably find it so hard to imagine treating your daughter the way she treated you

And you know, autism may have been a factor because it was there, but I don't know that she would have necessarily needed it to be if it wasn't.
If she was the kind of person who felt the need to abuse..........I don't know, needing power, feeling insecure, feeling helpless, whatever.........then without the autism.........she may have abused the youngest of you, or the oldest if she felt attachment decreasing, the one who spoke their mind the most........or the least, the one who needed her the most.......or the one who needed her the least.............and that child may or may not have been you.
But you're absolutely right, if autism was a factor, it does make her more "sick"
And actually in that...........you have kind of worked out a reason why, haven't you (??).........she was "sick"..............

And in making sense of things...........sometimes you have to over time choose where to draw the line...........because you may never FULLY truly/deeply understand...........because you have the massive advantage over her in that you can't imagine yourself doing those things to a child...........you just wouldn't.
And be SO proud of how very different you are from her.



Alison