Hi Ladydragus:
I am afraid that I might lose you and Angelkitten as online friends if I write my observations about your friendship, but I am doing so with the best intentions and I definitely do not mean to hurt either one of you. Please know this before you continue reading. I don't know either of you very well and a lot of what I am going to say is based on observations and assumptions. I realize that I could be completely wrong about all of it.

I can see the difference in age/maturity levels as you two correspond. I can also see that she is clinging very hard to you and that you might be feeling smothered by someone else's neediness. It's hard enough to take care of yourself when you are NOT depressed, let alone when you are suffering inside AND have children, as you do. If you need some space, you must insist upon it (as you already are), because if you ask for it and she refuses to give it to you, then you are going to resent her, if you aren't already. I am certainly not defending her grandparents in any way, but I think I remember from one of her posts a few months ago that her grandparents forbid her to see you. I'm guessing (just guessing, obviously) that their reasons might have less or little to do with you as a person than they do with their concern for her unhealthy attachment to you, especially as you are older. From what she has shared, I think her grandparents are completely going about it the wrong way, but just as a perspective, that might be their reason behind their strange and strict rules.

I have been in similar situations where someone I was close to was clinging too hard, and the effect is very draining. In many of those cases, I asked for space and the reaction was phased: at first, they felt scared and said they didn't want to give me the space but they will out of fear of losing me altogether, and then later, they were angry with me for asking for or needing the space, and decided it was easier to cut off all communication. And in the cases where I said I needed the space and they refused to allow me it (by emailing, calling, dropping by, sending presents, whatever), I resented them so much b/c they didn't respect what I had asked for. Talking to them became an obligation, not something I wanted to do. I am sure Angelkitten does not want your feelings for her to become that of obligation, and if you explain it to her in those terms, hopefully she will understand that if she gives you the space early on, it increases the possibility that you will come back to her. But if she doesn't and your feelings turn to resentment, then there is no chance, best friends or not.

Another observation/assumption is around your and her feelings of sexual conflicts. You mentioned that you have never felt this way about a female before, and I do hope that if part of your conflict is about feeling attracted to someone of your gender, I do assure you that a lot of people feel the same way, whether they act on it or not. I myself have had relationships with two women (not at the same time!), although I am primarily straight and am in a heterosexual relationship now. My true friends stood by me no matter what; the ones who left... actually I can't think of any that left. But I do know that such strong emotional dependency, whether due to love, or best friends, or between a man and a woman or two women, can kill any relationship. I wouldn't say that either of you would have to end the relationship altogether, but it is very important in ANY relationship to have outside interests, friends who are not mutual friends, activities that you do without each other. If you feel yourself getting jealous about time the other person spends away from you, than that is a WARNING sign that you are too emotionally dependent on someone else and it should be your next therapy topic. Love and emotional dependency are two entirely different things.

Angelkitten, I'm sure you are reading this and it pains me to think that I'm hurting you by saying this, because I'm afraid you are going to see it as a slam, and I do not mean it as such.

Love to you both and I am sorry if I hurt either or both of you,
LMO