I am so sorry. I have very serious codependency problems myself.
However, It sounds to me like you are doing well though. You have a clear enough head to recognize the situation, realize what it is triggering, and apply things you learned in therapy. Now you are reaching out for support from like minded individuals. I know you feel bad, and that stinks. But I would guess that you have made great progress with your therapy. Would you have been able to do any of these things prior? I know I struggle mightily with these.
Perhaps the takeaway doesn't need to be about him or his behavior but about you and yours. You stood up for yourself while trying to remain calm and used what you have learned to take care of yourself. The people around you don't always appreciate progress or growth. But in the long run that is not your problem.
Keep working. Treat yourself well. Know you have support and are not alone.