Five months after therapy ended, I still find myself dwelling quite a lot on what happened at the primary school. If I'm just thinking about it for no apparant reason, it doesn't really bother me, but if it's because something's reminded me of it - an article online, for example - then it still makes me feel scared/upset/angry, and I still don't know why! My therapist, and people here, have told me that it's ok to still be affected by it, and I appreciate that, but I don't understand how it can affect me now when it didn't at the time. I don't remember feeling anything when I saw those ambulances, the only emotion I remember from the day is feeling happy because it meant I got the day off school! I don't remember if I even realised what was going on.

I've had people telling me that it must have been horrible being there, but I don't see how it can have been so bad for me - I just saw the tail end of it! It must have been so much worse for the people who were actually there, in the room. But if it wasn't so bad, then why do I still get affected by reminders of it? I don't get it...

I know I should be past thinking like this by now, I thought I'd worked through it in therapy. Guess not.