(((Big Mama))),

It was very good that you were able to say all of that. Know that others can actually relate to what you describing too.

You have been through so much and you have not had very much time pass since you have been away from your husband. It's understandable that you feel numb, yet at the same time need a hug. When I joined PC I had never done anything like PC before and I loved the hug icons. I tend to give a lot of hugs because when I got them it helped me when I was doing a lot worse then what I had been saying.

One of the core challenges with PTSD is "fear" and it's not the kind of fear that people think of as being fear. I was overwhelmed emotionally when I experienced a post traumatic breakdown. I did not think anything would help and it was exhausting. The brain and the body remembers that so sometimes a person without realizing it develops a fear of being emotionally overwhelmed.

I needed hugs too, but I did not want them to be attached to anything. And a lot individuals that have been traumatized like you have begin to unknowingly feel guilty for needing because often they are treated like they don't deserve to have feelings and boundaries. That is why having animals, be it a horse or a dog or cat is helpful because animals don't disrespect boundaries like human beings do and as you have described they can provide comfort "safely".

It's good that you are talking about this ((((Big Mama)))).