Hello blissra: I'm sorry you are struggling. I don't know how things work in the UK, but I wonder if perhaps it may be time for you to check out the possibility of getting into an eating disorders program. Sometimes we're just not strong enough, by ourselves, to overcome our past ( I should talk!) But under any circumstances... I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will find the inner strength to regain & sustain the resolve you once had.