Again, long posts, I skimmed. You apparently are trapped in our own thoughts. I suggest not to keep thinking and writing about this the way you are doing. You basically write about the same issue in different threads. Get busy with your music. Have some alone time and reflect on life in general and on your life in particular. There is a cause for everything. Figure out why people treat you this way. Also seeing a therapist if you cannot manage your feeling is highly recommended.