Bless you Phil as you call upon God to answer your heartbreaking questions. I think many of us have had those same questions poured into our prayers when we are in a place of sadness and pain.

I've come to accept my suffering as my teacher and the lessons I learn as my gift to others. Like others before me have said without this 'affliction/gift' I definately would not have the empathy I do for other's who suffer. I definately would not be as involved in the helping profession that is now my primary work. I would not be as positive and valuable to my work had I not been given this challenge to teach me. God never gives us more that we can bear. Life will stretch us.... no question. It won't always be easy. In fact if it's hard then for me that is an indicator that I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing. We can use what we learn through our suffering to make our world a better place.

Hang in there Phil.... you know this sadness will pass and you will feel the peace again. I shall pray for that peace to come quickly to you.