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Old Mar 03, 2016, 12:23 AM
1976kitchenfloor 1976kitchenfloor is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: minnesota
Posts: 281
Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
your questions to me....

Yes i still dissociate. yes all my alters have been merged together into one stable personality. they are now me and I am now them. to understand this heres an experiment. take a glass of hot water. now pour that hot water into many glasses, let some of them cool and some boil to various temperatures. then pour all the water back together again. (the one whole glass of hot water is one whole person at birth, the separating of water is a representative of trauma and the mind creating many alters. the boiling and cooling represents what is added to each alter (memories emotions experiences...) and the adding all water back together is a representative of integration (everyone becoming one whole person again.)

I am like the water. I was born one whole person, then due to extreme trauma before the age of 5 my mind created alternate personalities. these alters all my life took control any time I or an alter was triggered and dissociated.

example if I dissociated (felt numb, spaced out, disconencted...) during a rain storm (trigger that caused the dissociation) the alternate personality Rainy would take control because dealing with rain storms was her job, purpose and reason why my mind created her) this went on all through my whole life since the moment my mind created her.

ever time through therapy and learning how to handle my problems (anxiety, depression, dissociation symptoms) and learning things like breathing exercises, meditation, relaxation, grounding and other therapeutic tools I learned how to handle rain storms on my own. during this process Rainy started sharing more and more information with me through co consciousness (hearing her voice while she was in control, hearing her voice in my head, and images of memories that she was sharing with me)

as I while in aware non dissociated state of mind became stronger and able to deal with all this on my own Rainy no longer had to do her job, purpose, reason for being. so she like the water going back together, became one with me.

I can remember those memories, emotions, experiences that used to be hers and is now our's as one whole person. I can talk about her being separate with me if I choose to do so. but I choose most of the time, not to because everything she was became me and I her. I will never forget that this memory or that emotion was part of her and who she was and what she did for me, and i know that she did not die, cease to exist because I have her memories and all that was her. she is still here just in a different way now, as me, one whole person again. there is no need for us to be separate, I am capable of doing her job, purpose reason for being because she is one with me now.

for example my siblings and I were talking recently about how I used to hide under a blanket during a rain storm. I smiled because I knew that was rainy and I now know how and why rain storms scared me to the point of her creation to deal with that problem. I looked at my sibling and said little did you know that it was rainy under that blanket and I was asleep. my sibling laughed and said yea isnt it grand that you and she are one, no more hiding under blankets. I laughed and said yea now I have rainy's nerves, and thelma cursing abilities so I sit there on the sofa holding Rainy's zebra stuffed animal and yell like thelma at the storm ....roar you such and such and then some, go ahead and roar.

but you are right I dont switch into alters anymore because there is no need for it. I now have the coping skills and ability to use those coping skills or not, I will never again switch into alternate personalities because they have all been merged together with me because their jobs purposes reasons for being created is gone. plus the fact that I am an adult. here in America DID is a metal disorder that happens to very young children under the age of 5 due to extreme trauma. what that means is that once I reached to point of healing where I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for DID, I could never again have DID.

that doesnt mean a person who had a past diagnosis of DID doesnt dissociate. a person here in america can have dissociation problems with just about every mental and physical health problem and normal events of dissociation too.

I may no longer fit the diagnostics for DID because all my alters have been integrated\merged into one whole person again but I still have my dissociative times.

your question to my other reply to you about my usage of co consciousness...
I use the term co consciousness based on my locations definition....

co consciousness is things like feeling spaced out, disconnected and knowing a conversation is taking part but it does feel like you doing the talking,

example being triggered by a rain storm i would start feeling spaced out, like Im far away from my wife as she was talking to me, I would know words were coming out of my mouth but felt what was being said was not my own words. they were the words and sounds that Rainy makes.... crying, fearful ... I would not literally see rainy because she resided with in my body. just felt like it wasnt me doing the talking, my ...perception...was that it was Rainy doing the talking and crying. (actually seeing an alter here in my location is called psychosis not dissociation)

co consciousness for some in my location is hearing the voices of the alters inside or outside my head. it used to be believed in my location that hearing alters outside the head was not dissociation but it has changed due to sometimes a persons ...perception... of the voice is that its coming from behind or next to them. this is not a diagnostic criteria meaning a person does not have to hear the voices of their alters. having DID is not ....dependent ...upon hearing voices due to other mental disorders do carry that diagnostic criteria.

in my location co consciousness is when the alters and those they reside with in have the ability to communicate, share with each other.

we now have two mental disorders here in america OSDD is like DID but with more co consciousness, less separation, less memory \amnesia. DID has more memory\amnesia\separation \ dissociative symptoms.

people that post here on this board may have any number of dissociative disorders. this board isnt only for those with the severity where there is limited co consciousness. its for all the dissociative disorders whether or not someone has alters or not.
Hello again. thank you for your detailed answer. I really do understand the analogy of water in a glass. .

now I have one more question: did you have a part of you that wasnt an alter but was always there in the background-- acting like the supervisor or an adult competent guardian directing or overseeing what was going on with you?

In my own case,
First I had the me who was introduced to the others, then there were the others/alters, but in addition there was this function who was very strong and protective of me and who also seemed to know what was really going on. This function did not step out and act as an alter might. Her role was completely behind the scenes, behind my eyes where each alter slid the curtain over and step out and take her place , seeing the world through her own (new) set of eyes.

I became aware of this function when I began to receive notes writtedn by what I guess must have been automatic writing. these notes were reassuring and encouraging and they were always written in hand written printing. I had just begun expereincing flagrant dissociation about this time and it was if she was there letting me know that I wasnt alone and that it would be all right.

Did you have anything like that working for you?