Quote:
Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor
Hello again. thank you for your detailed answer. I really do understand the analogy of water in a glass. .
now I have one more question: did you have a part of you that wasnt an alter but was always there in the background-- acting like the supervisor or an adult competent guardian directing or overseeing what was going on with you?
In my own case,
First I had the me who was introduced to the others, then there were the others/alters, but in addition there was this function who was very strong and protective of me and who also seemed to know what was really going on. This function did not step out and act as an alter might. Her role was completely behind the scenes, behind my eyes where each alter slid the curtain over and step out and take her place , seeing the world through her own (new) set of eyes.
I became aware of this function when I began to receive notes writtedn by what I guess must have been automatic writing. these notes were reassuring and encouraging and they were always written in hand written printing. I had just begun expereincing flagrant dissociation about this time and it was if she was there letting me know that I wasnt alone and that it would be all right.
Did you have anything like that working for you?
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here in my location the one that is not an alter , the aware self is called the body born person, the host and the one to which all others reside with in. yes I had this (if I didnt by my locations definitions if the body \body born self does not exist then none of the others exist. sometimes a person is so traumatized that the body person is not reachable, so dissociated that its the alters that take on the role of being the host through taking turns. with in my internal system there wasnt that severe of a division\dissociative walling off of me the body born person. but there was enough severe division to where i did not know a majority of my alters. (limited co consciousness, lots of what my location calls dissociative amnesia) I was there, my alters were there but we didnt do a lot of sharing and such. I would be in control then if something triggered me the alters took control.
each one of my alters had their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes, own reasons why they were created..
when rainy was in control her thoughts, behaviors, senses were all from her point of view, when thelma was in control everything was from her point of view. when red was in control it everything that went on was from reds point of view.
with the few that I was co conscious with it was from my point of view and perception. ie if rainy was in control and I happened to be co conscious with her my thoughts were ....rainy is crying, thats rainy moving.
when I was not in dissociated state of mind it was I am walking across the room, I am eating, I am feeling this or that.
the perceptions, alterations in identity and such was relative to who was in control.
that said i had many different types of alters. some were dissociative in nature connected to my having DID and I had other types of alters that even normal people have and people have with other mental disorders called introjects, psychosis induced (bipolar disorder), medication induced....
in order to really figure out whats going on with in you you will need to contact a treatment provider, there are just so many things that can cause the same issues that comparing yourself to others can end up causing you more and more stress, confusion and possibly aiming for the wrong types of alters and the like. I know you really want to know what is going on with in you but the only real sure fire way to know is through a treatment provider.
what I can tell you is that here in america we have uniform diagnostics that everyone with mental disorders must meet. a persons internal system can be comprised infinite ways with all kinds of mixtures of symptoms and problems but for diagnosis purposes everyone in america must meet the same diagnostic criteria...with these new diagnostics put in place in 2013 new tests and testing procedures are done, its so much easier now then years gone by to get the correct diagnosis.
my suggestion is contact a treatment provider. they can explain whats what in your location and how to get the correct diagnosis.