The depression seems to be finally lifting! I realized yesterday that I haven't felt suicidal in a couple of weeks, which is awesome. And in the past couple of days I've actually felt functional. I've played with my son more than usual and started cleaning again. I feel productive. And though I have a cloud of grief following me, I can tell it is that. Grief feels different from depression. Grief feels purposeful, like I know I'll come out of it. And there's a reason behind it. Depression always seems so hopeless.

So I feel better. Which considering I've been depressed since December is definitely a good thing. It could just be my normal spring boost in mood but even so I'll take it.

I'm setting a tentative return to work date of 3/14. I still have two more ECT sessions to get through. They'll probably want me to do even more than that but I'm doing pretty well with memory and cognitive functioning right now so I don't want to push it. Plus I hate being put under, I'm ****ed up for the whole day. It sucks. But I'm feeling much more hopeful than I have in a while. It's a nice change.

Hopefully I can maintain this positive feeling. I cycle so rapidly usually that I only get to feel good for a couple of weeks and then everything crashes down again. But this last time the depression went on for months so maybe the good feeling will last too.