I'd like to get some guidance on what is ok. ......
I have had this experience in therapy which sort of did me both good, and a lot of harm. It was with a therapist from an organisation with a specific approach. I would like to be able to name them in case anyone is working with people with the same training as I'd love to be able to compare notes.

I rang them form the UK because I discovered I had a pd, I disocovered it through reading literature and dxed myself, so I made contact. I got rediagnosed with another pd, and when I read the literarature on that one, - schizoid, it made absolute sense and fitted my expereince.
I loved how she understood me in some ways, she understood my experiences of the pd like nothing i've come accross, but it was like she didnt expect me to do anything that was well, when I behaved healthily, she disengaged from me and I was longing for understanding and recognition from her. Like when she made a mistake about the bill and undercharged me, I did the honest thing and told her and she went all formal and po-faced in tone. I challenged her about this, and she admitted she had felt embarrassed, and I was so over the moon, at this bit of understanding between us, but then she reverted, .......................its a long, long story of subtle hidden agendas, - thats as I see it, she'd say, 'transferernce' I expect, - I'd say "its my disorder in a tangle with yours!', only i'm admitting mine!. Well I spent 2 years feeling paralysed and obsessed. But I was rivetted. I left and came back several times.

I want to say who they were to see if anybody has also experiences of them. I want to go back eventually, and not get ill as i did before with them. And also i want to have the strength to tell them exactly what they did wrong. ( I say them, because I tried several, they all had this wierd behaviour each in thier own way, like as if trying to undermine me. Yet, I feel so, so attached and involved with her/ him/ them, I love the truth that is in the literature and I am at the same time in horror at the pathologisation that comes through. (IMO). It feels to me like they are my home page, and I want to go back there and tell them they're all in big trouble!, I can show each one how they acted out and were manipulative. I can becaus I wrote copious amounts of journal. I want to say: "I love you and what you have said, it is truth to me, but now, its time you all started to practice what you preach. "I'm going to hold you to your task" and then talk to them in such away that there is no clever comeback, such as they always had, and hold to my truth and my silence, till I feel totally satisfied that I have done my best.

If anyone has a recommendation of a T. or pdoc who is good and who understands the disorders, I'd love to hear about it.

I've really gone on here now. I've needed to really speak openly about my expereinces. I may sound mad or arrogant, and i'm sure it may seem like its transference off the scale. Maybe it is, but what if it isnt??
As my T. said "ITS YOUR JOB TO STICK TO YOUR OWN TRUTH, WETHER WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP, OR YOUR WORK, OR YOUR THERAPIST. Well, I proceeded to attempt to do that with her and failed consistently. She was so ....................... how to describe her,............??...... sure she was right, magnanimous, lovely .... her voice, that is, so................. like I changed shape inside and couldnt help wanting to please her, ......auughghghg !!

Yuk, felt awful, not meant to be that way, giving my power away so much. but I was entranced. Not good.

I feel saner now I'm out of it, but havent solved my problem and intend to find a way to deal with this.

This has been terribly long, thank you so much for listening, if you've reached the end here with me. I really needed to get some of that out.